Works of RK

I cannot stop my thoughts from thinking about you still. I cannot will away memories of time I spent with you, until there was no time left. Mercilessness and unforgiving though the time is, I believe someday it will bring us together again; someday it will be like our yesterdays again. Someday when we walk into the evening sun, hand in hand, silent and swaying in the winds... I would take that leap of faith and kiss you. This time, I shall not wait for it to be dark again. Darkness lasts longer in this part of the world.

I have spread my dreams out to dry They were wet from yesterday’s tears Should you chance upon them on the line Don’t bother, just let them be. I have heard from the unheard There will be another long night tonight. Jan 24-2011 From Life in a Multiverse

I have willed Time to slow down So that in the little time I have with you I could spend more time with you. I have desperately tried for it to bend So that the memories of time spent with you Could be lived for ever more. I have counted the seconds in a minute And counted the minutes in a day In anticipation of spending One more day with you. Time being what it is I will no more. Dec-23 -2011

Now that silences are back Where once your sweet nothings played I wait in the eerie darkness of my nights For some lost whisper of your sound to play again Some thought you might have left unsaid Suddenly finding decibels Some story that you left incomplete Suddenly finding a script I wait for old songs to play Someday. Dec-9-2010 From Life in a Multiverse

Memories from Springtime Lend light to Autumn gloom. As I wade through fallen leaves I see new hope bloom. As familiar words Fire Telephone Lines Old longings give way to new desires. Memories from Springtime Lend cheer to Autumn gloom. Nov 20-2010 From Life in a Multiverse

The touch of your skin on my skin The way your fret and fume under a kiss The way you run away from a hug And then come back for more Nov 17-2010 From Life in a Multiverse

All good things come to an end, until they begin again. I am not sure if there would be a sequel in this lifetime. I don’t even know if the crew would come together for another shoot. The universe that plots togetherness, plans the parting too. I knew and so did you that the time we spent together, we would never relive again. As I spent those seasons in time with you, I freeze framed the best of you. In my fear of forgetting you, I frantically keep you alive in my blogs, my poems, my passionate debates on relationships and my ever increasing play-lists of yesteryear songs. One day, when I walk into the night, I would lean on to your memories and they will carry me through. When I meet my maker, together, we shall say hello!

When I found the sun up so close, sneaking up my windows, a mile high in the sky, I was reminded of you. I was remembered of the day sunlight was caught behind your silken hair. Rays of love would shine through you, and drenched me in its glow. And when I looked into your mriganayani eyes, I could see myself; and in your eyes, I was so beautiful to see. I always believed that the Sun that shines, answers to you. You are the mysterious reason why it glows. Rajesh

Some day my songs will sing of you no more. Someday, silences will fall over silences; there will be no words no more. And when you pass this way you will find me painting in your colors no more. I know that one day I shall wake up and I would grieve your loss no more. I agree that I will never forget you but I pray for better things to remember. Time would send me no answers, but I trust time to bring more important questions my way, someday. Rajesh

I have been put through the shredder and my entrails have stained many a heart before. I have been ground fine in time and now get tossed in beautiful looking hourglasses. I have been beaten hollow as a drum, and I am highly strung. The shrillness of my voice; you would not have heard before. I have been battered by the blue waves and have surrendered my pride years ago; I have no rocky edges no wedges and no space for your little hands to hold on to. I sustain no life anymore. Wonder what you see in me! Rajesh

The last time I went to a park was with you. I am always surprised by your urgency to hang on to my lanky frame in public places. It is as if you wanted the world to know that you owned me, owned a piece of my soul.  Amidst the buzz of mosquitoes, the wild laughter of young kids and the curious envious stare of their mothers, you chattered on for hours. I do not remember your prompts; I do not remember my responses. I was lost in the glow of your warmth. It was a wonderful dress you were wearing. When the crowds dispersed and the last of the mother’s tore themselves away from us, I could feel you let go. I could feel the distances of the heart setting in. The last act had been played out. It was time for me to go home. You were no longer hanging on.

I have stood here at the wings, watching you play those myriad roles.  You have been in love with the lights, the crowd that cheers have lent you wings; and from these wings, I have seen you fly.  The songs that you sing are from stories that were ours, the smile that you flash is the one you practiced with me for hours; and the moves that you make are the ones you rehearsed with me over the years.  You make a wonderful act. I wish I were a part of the crowd, I wish I were out there cheering with the crowds. I could have moved on when the play was done, I would not have had to wait all this long. Waiting in the wings is lonely. There is so much more to see out there.  Up here, I only have you. And it is a very long way back home. Rajesh

For the winds that will never blow For want of Autumn leaves For Spring that would never come For want of Summer showers For dreams I would never dream For want of simple sleep For places I would never be For want of alternate destinies For a life I will never live For want of alternate choices For memories I have forgotten And memories I could not erase For reasons I would not agree to And for those I could do without For songs I sing and those I don’t For friends I have and those I lost For all the time that was mine And for a time when there will be none. For those who wait for me And for those who miss me from beyond For all that I know And for all that is unknown Rajesh

Floated into 2011 with Lifehouse. Nothing else but "Storm" could come close to explaining my thoughts on you to myself. Shared here with lyrics for readers to enjoy the power of this number: Storm how long have I been in this storm so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form water's getting harder to tread with these waves crashing over my head if I could just see you everything will be alright if I'd see you the storminess will turn to light and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright and everything will be alright I know you didn't bring me out here to drown so why am I 10 feet under and upside down barely surviving has become my purpose cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface if I could just see you everything will be alright if I see you the storminess will turn to light and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your ...

It is the longer path I used to tread, one with nothing new in it, no new stories, no fairies no gnomes. I had been lucky to have you walk some miles with me, through these otherwise deserted roads. Now that you walk no more, I have found myself stuck in the same stretch that we walked together for ever more.  A new journey begins where the old one ends. I rediscover everyday the same old crossroads.

When the wind blows  hard, I fear that the gale will blow your thoughts away, and I hold on tight. When the tides run ashore, I fear that the surge would wash your memories away, and hold you close. These days I have stopped seeing dreams, lest you don't turn up there and I stop to believe.  As we put distances in time; I fiercely hold on to your memories in me. I have learnt from the years gone by that what they call as forever, is actually a little longer that what I had imagined. I have lost loads of friends to the forever demon. I don't want to lose you. Now that the seasons are changing, I am afraid of the Spring, lest it blooms new flowers where yours I have for so long tended.

Its my 36th birthday today. Like the dish that they never served, the movie scene they censored and the interview call that never came, I missed you in my life today.  I have taken an inventory of those who blessed me today, and I have realized that for a generally unsociable moron like me, I have had too many loving souls wishing me. While I thank my maker for this day and the blessings, in this milieu... I miss you. If life were a journey through a tunnel in time, I am barely scraping through this part of my travels. I know that I will wake up with your thought throbbing in my head, like a migraine that wont fade; and I know that I will sleep with your thoughts running in my mind, like some virus that wont be deleted, cant be quarantined. Knowing that somewhere far away from me, your thoughts might too rest on thoughts of me  gives me no solace. I know that you miss me too. Knowing you I have known that it is those whom we love most that we hurt most and are most hurt upon b...

When you stress the line that holds you down, pull on the Chakri so that you can fly some more, I guess it is time to set you free. When you fly high, you see more of the universe of which I am but a part. Down on land, closer to me, I fill your world, take too much space. Up high in the sky, far away from me, you have a better perspective of where I stand, vis-à-vis the whole wide world. It is exhilarating to set you in flight. The struggle to lend wings to your flight, fight notoriously shy winds of desire and set you high, makes me feel young and alive again. You bring to life the child in me. Now that you are but a distant speck, a tension on the line, the force that pulls the Chakri that I struggle to hold on to, I do not feel all that young anymore. The power of your bright beautiful wonderful flight strains my hands, twangs the twines of life connecting us. You are now too far up in the sky for me to see, I think It is time to set you free. Free to drift with the crazy winds of ...

You would not see the light years I have waited for a call from you. You would not hear the overpowering noise of those hours and days and weeks of silences, that passes by before you connect. I dread your next call, for once it is done, and you have said your bye ji, the cycle of waiting would begin all over again.  Overtime, I have fallen in love with my silences. They are predictable and provide a sense of soothing continuum. Each day runs into other and nothing untoward happens. I am learning to love the shades of black, I love innovating the notes of my silences. They don’t sing as well as you do... as yet, they are not as engaging as you are. Increasingly, you are the distraction that is ruining my routine. You are the strangeness in an otherwise peaceful life. One of these days, I might decide to exorcise thee! Rajesh

Some images are disconcerting. The image of a train running out of a tunnel into the waiting night is one such image. Some of my oldest memories are memories from Train journeys. The incessant clatter of iron wheels on iron tracks used to drum up sad thoughts in me. I have often wondered how loco pilots would feel inside goods trains on moonless nights. The only things that they would see are railway tracks, everything else will be pale blue, black and gloomy. My life these days are quite similar. I peer into the darkness lit by little lights that my loved ones have left behind. All I see is an endless row of fishplates and railway tracks. The stations on the way are mere distractions, some day I need to unload, unwind. Someday I need to stop this speed. Someday will be my last day, some journey, my last errand to run. Some day I will pull into a station... never to leave. In my journey tearing through the darkness of my life, I am guided by the Spirits and also by the memories of wond...